11 months ago I entered into the greatest chapter of my life, motherhood. It’s actually super freaking weird to think that it’s almost been a year that I became a mother… but just as weird to think that it’s only been 11 months!

It feels like a day and a lifetime all at once!

That’s just one of the many things I have learned over the last few months. Motherhood has taught me so much more than I ever knew possible, and I’m literally just getting started at this whole mom thing!

Before having my daughter I read all the “must need” lists and the “things no one tells you” lists, but damn was there more than that to find out about.

Nothing you read in a book or on the internet can prepare you for what lies ahead so I’m not gonna pretend like this list will do that.

I am however going to share with you the 11 most surprising and important things I learned over the 11 months that I have spent fumbling through motherhood! So without any further adieu, let’s get right into it!

1. Adult diapers are God’s gift to postpartum mamas:

Yes you read that correct. Adult freaking diapers!!!! This one I did actually learn from the internet. Some women say to steal the mesh undies from the hospital, and some say get diapers so I bought a pack and brought a few to the hospital just so I could see which worked best.

So listen… you’re gonna push this beautiful little baby out, or you’re gonna have a c-section… and no matter what your body has to get rid of the house they partied it up in for 10 months, and they made a big house party mess in there mamas!

It’s not pretty, it’s not fun, and after 9 months of no period at all, get ready to have the longest one of your entire life! Don’t worry though, you just pushed a bowling ball through your hooha or underwent major surgery… this is nothing!

Now, sometime after the nurse takes you to pee for the first time (which if you’re like me takes you about 40 minutes to finally manage the courage to do it), they’re gonna hand you this disturbing pair of mesh undies and stuff ginormous pads, and an ice pack the size of your femur in it and say put this on.

The ice packs are a blessing, steal as many of those bad boys as you can… but that mesh underwear ain’t holding anything in mama!

It took me 3 hours, and I ripped into my hospital bag and was a diaper wearing queen for the next month! Do yourself a favor and order yourself like 3 packs on amazon. You can even get the pretty kind with flowers and bows on them so your husband will find you super attractive when he catches you brushing your teeth in your adult diaper! Jk… you don’t want him finding you attractive for a long time… and trust me these will do the trick

My personal favorite was “poise” discreet! Trust me! Diapers ain’t just for that new baby!

2. Sleep when the baby sleeps… if you can.

Now this we all hear for the entirety of our pregnancy, and it won’t stop once that little bundle of joy comes screaming and crying into your life. Honestly, it may be the best freaking advice you get!

Here’s the thing tho… your husband will most likely have to go back to work at some point. That leaves you all alone at home, with dishes, laundry, and animals, a person you have to feed and clothe, and keep alive now. Sometimes it’s really really hard to sleep when all you can think of is the pile of laundry at the foot of your bed, or the dishes stacking up in the sink.

I napped when I could, and honestly it was always the best decision; however, I also found it really difficult a lot of times to fall asleep with the running list in my head.

Also, at some point most mamas have to go back to work too! When the heck am I supposed to nap then?! No really someone tell me cuz I would love a freaking nap!

3.Instagram is not reality, everyone’s crying on their bathroom floor it’s not just you

4. There’s no need to “bounce back”, and actually your body needs the extra pounds:

So there’s this thing called the internet… you have heard of it right? Well all over it you can see photos of celebrities “bouncing back” after having babies. Not only that, we see it on tabloids, on tv, on instagrams. We see headlines like “how Kim got her body back after baby!”

This is literally RIDICULOUS. First of all… those people don’t bounce back, they work their literal asses off to get their bodies to shrink back to their old size. They have millions of dollars, personal trainers, nannies, and personal chefs to ensure that they have time to devote to getting back into shape. They also have stylists that help them hide any imperfections they may still be working on… oh and plastic surgeons on speed dial.

We are not celebrities. Our careers do not depend on how we look in a bikini… so why the hell do we care?!

Your body just took 9 months to grow eyeballs, brains, bones, a beating heart… and 9 months to gain all that weight!!!! You are not gonna lose it in a month! Probably not even 9 months. I’m 11 months out and I’m still 8-10 pounds heavier than I was pre-baby. I’ll probably never get back to my weight before baby and I’m ok with that!

I’m not gonna lie and say I didn’t want my body to bounce back. I did. I looked in the mirror everyday for the first 9 months after having my daughter and scrutinized my jiggly flabby skin, the little extra weight I now have around my belly and cannot for the life of me get rid of.

I worked really hard to get back to loving my body, and being positive about it.

Also, I heard on Jillian Michaels podcast a few days ago that you’re not gonna lose that last 10 pounds if your breastfeeding because your body literally needs it to do so! Wish I heard that months ago when I was working out and eating super clean and couldn’t figure out why my scale wouldn’t budge at all since 2 months postpartum!

We should love our bodies. We’re not gonna get our body back post baby, because it’s not the same anymore! It’s better! It created, housed and birthed a little human. It’s stronger than it has ever been before.

We should love it and be so proud of it for what it’s done for us, not worry about the last 10 or 20 pounds.

5. Break up with your old jeans mama:

So as we just discussed… our bodies change after having a baby. Even if you lose all that baby weight, there’s a good chance your clothes won’t fit right. My shirts were all 2 inches too short and some of my jeans were never to button again.

This isn’t just because of weight gain… this is because our bones literally shift when we are pregnant to make room and make way for a baby to shoot out of your pelvis.

My hips are wider than they were before and they’re never going back. Chances are yours aren’t either. So say bye bye to all your clothes that no longer “spark joy” as Marie Kondo would say, and go buy yourself a new pair of killer jeans that make you feel amazing!

6. Cravings are worse once your baby is born, at least for me!

We always hear about pregnancy cravings, all the weird things you suddenly want as soon as you see a positive on a pregnancy test.

Well let me tell you… they get worse! I did have a few weird cravings during my pregnancy. Mostly mint chocolate chip ice cream, and grilled cheese with tomato on rye. It wasn’t crazy tho. I only made my husband search for a restaurant that would make a grilled cheese once because we were out and that’s all I wanted in life.

After having my daughter the cravings were so much more intense. I sent my husband out for milk shakes like 3 times a week! I wanted something, and I wanted it right now! I talked to some other mamas when I started experiencing that and they agreed!

Pregnancy cravings were a joke compared to my postpartum cravings!

7. People will just touch your baby… seriously:

I had my daughter in February. Smack dab in the middle of cold and flu season, so for the first few months I left her home most of the time that I absolutely had to leave the house. Our pediatrician had recommended we ask strangers to keep their hands to themselves, and keep her out of stores and crowded places so it wouldn’t happen.

I thought to myself why would a stranger touch my baby? Yeah right lady, like that’s gonna happen!

Whelp…. It does. Like a lot!

I couldn’t tell you what zoo these people grew up in that they think you can just go up to someone’s shopping cart and grab their baby’s hands or face but they do it!!!!

I know that it’s never meant to be harmful, or rude but people please stop touching babies unless you ask first and are given permission. I don’t know you or where your hands have been.

Next time someone does it to my daughter I’m just gonna reach out and touch that persons face and say “oh you’re so cute too!” I bet the won’t like that either!

8 The unsolicited advice gets worse.

Yeah, you thought all that advice you got when you were pregnant was gonna taper off? Yeah right! Think again mama!

It’s JUST begun!

I am not even to toddler tantrum age yet and I’ve already been flooded with lots of advice on how to discipline a child, sleeping, feeding etc..

11 months in I have learned to just smile and nod, because people mean well and this will be going on for 18 more years so I may as well just accept it right?

9. People will ask you how ur doing things, and then act like it’s the wrong way:

So here’s the thing… there are literally a million ways to parent. Go to amazon and search parenting books. Now tell me how many different books you find… yeah it’s crazy!

We are all different. We live in different places, grew up with different religions, beliefs and ideals. We all have different trauma, and life experiences that have molded us. We all come in different sizes, shapes and colors…. it kind of makes sense that we don’t all parent the exact same way right?

As a new mom, you are just trying to get a grasp on this parenting thing. You may do some research… or like me just kind of wing it until u have an actual question like “wait…. when and how do I feed a baby real food?” Or “wait… my baby is supposed to nap regularly?! How the eff?!”

Naturally, people are always curious about your new life as a mama, and what you and that cute kid you made are up to. So they’ll ask questions.

Some people are freaking awesome and super supportive of anything and everything you tell them that you are doing with your baby! They’ll applaud you, and cheer you on for the great job your doing. These are your people!!!

Others… well they’ll ask something like “oh when will you start feeding the baby real food,” and you’ll tell them you did and that you started with avocado and they’ll say… “avocado! Why not rice cereal?! We started with rice cereal, it’s what the doctor said to do.” And the convo will continue and you may start to feel judged for all your choices as a mom.

Don’t worry, the choices you are making are the right ones for you and your baby, just as that persons choices were right for them!

As I said, were all different and that’s what makes us great. So shrug it off when you get a look of disapproval when someone asks how you’re doing things. If it works for you and your family that’s all that matters mama!

10. Baby’s don’t just teeth on toys…

Around 7 months my sweet girl started popping teeth left and right… around 8 months she decided teething toys were not really her style.

She would settle in while I nursed her and look up at me with her sweet little gaze and then CHOMP! The first time it happened I jumped and screamed and thought to myself “oh my she must have done that on accident!”

So we continued nursing… a few minutes pass and again she clamped those freakishly strong toothy jaws down once again! I jumped and yelled again, which made her giggle, and so the game continued.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that my little girl was doing this on freaking purpose!!!!! She was using me as a human chew toy!

I’m telling you this because although I was told breastfeeding would be hard, no one EVER brought up biting! Like come on people! It would have been nice to be prepared!

So here you go ladies, fair warning that your little one may one day decide to test their new teeth out on your nips. Thank me later for the warning.

11. You seriously can’t remember life before your kid, and wouldn’t want to:

My husband and I talked about the idea of children for years. I remember right after we first moved in together, no ring on my finger, him looking at me and saying that he would like to have kids before we’re 30. 25 year old Rachael rolled her eyes and said listen dude, my body my choice and no way Jose!

The conversation usually came up and he would always say let’s just have kids as soon as we get hitched. To which I would usually respond something like “that sounds great but don’t you wanna have fun for a while before we have to plan out date nights and outings a month ahead?”

In my mind we would be married for a few years and then consider children.

Well jokes on me!

2 weeks before our first anniversary, I was at a restaurant with my husband and realized I had zero interest in the beer I just ordered. I handed it to him and said I would drive… he was in disbelief because I NEVER want to drive.

After finishing our meal, a friend met us at the restaurants bar, he ordered a drink. I was probably 10 feet away from him, and my nose immediately identified his dark and stormy… and it hit me. I never had a super powerful sense of smell before, and I’m not one to turn down a weekend beer… holy crap…I’m knocked up!

I peed on a stick the next morning and BAM, our lives were changed forever.

My daughter was born 9 months later, and we entered the realm of parenting. We never looked back. Yes, I have to have at least a weeks notice if someone wants to go out to dinner so I can find a babysitter. No I can’t just up and leave the house whenever I want anymore. Yes traveling is a big to do now. Yes my entire life revolves around a tiny human now.

You know what though… I literally cannot for the life of me remember what it felt like before! I remember having lots of fun with my husband, being spontaneous and just going out to dinner or a bar cuz we felt like it. Meeting up with friends with 30 only minutes notice. I just don’t remember how that felt… and honestly I wouldn’t go back if I had the chance.

Yes parenting is a lot of work, and takes a lot of self sacrifice, but oh my goodness is it the most rewarding experience I have ever had. The love and fulfillment I feel from snuggling my daughter or watching her learn and grow is unlike anything I have ever known before.

Daily, my husband and I talk about how we can’t remember life before her, and how we wouldn’t want to.

This whole mom thing is hard, it’s exhausting, it’s emotional… but if someone gave me a chance to pick a different life I wouldn’t even dream of it.

These have been the best 11 months of my entire life, and I can’t wait to see what the next 18 years has in store!